When do We Confront Someone and When do We Turn the Other Cheek?

(By Pastor Mark Fontecchio)

Question: When do we confront someone and when do we turn the other cheek?

Answer: It can be difficult to know when to confront someone. While I believe the Bible firmly has the answers to our questions, it is also true that this teaching is scattered throughout the Word of God. Therefore, we must be careful to take into account God’s whole counsel on this issue.

Sometimes there are disagreements that do not amount to sin. This was the case in 1 Corinthians Chapters 8-10 when disagreements arose in the Church at Corinth about meat offered to idols. Paul taught there was liberty to eat of the meat (1 Cor. 8:8). Yet, we must be concerned about putting a stumbling block in front of our brothers and sisters in Christ (1 Cor. 8:13). Our goal is to seek the well-being of others within the Body of Christ (1 Cor. 10:24). This type of mindset has a dramatic impact on how we handle confrontations. It is grounded in the love of Christ and wants what is best for the other people involved. In addition, it forces us to determine if the matters we are contemplating are issues that need to be (or should be) directly addressed.

An often-overlooked teaching regarding this issue is the instruction of 1 Corinthians 6. There we learn that believers should not take one another to court to seek a judgment against another believer. Instead of seeking judgments against one another these issues should be settled among believers, but the teaching goes even further. It is better to be wronged or cheated by another believer than it is to take another Christian to court (1 Cor. 6:7). This raises an important principle, it is possible to forgive another Christian and accept being wronged. The testimony of believers before the lost is at stake.

These concepts again surface with the teaching of Christ concerning the instruction to turn the other cheek in Matthew 5:39. Even though the Sermon on the Mount was intended to show the Jews that they could not measure up to the righteous standard of God without faith, there are still lessons that we can take from this wonderful section of the Word of God. Our focus should not be on our rights or on retaliating against those who have done us wrong. This is the instruction when there is a conflict between individuals. Love should be the focus between individuals (Matt. 5:46). Mercy should triumph over judgment (James 2:13). Matthew 5 should not be seen as teaching against the proper role of governments to restrain evil (Rom. 13:1-4). Instead, it should be seen as a call to not seek revenge or retaliation.

Undoubtedly, there will be times when another Christian has sinned against us and the issue needs to be addressed. This is where Matthew 18 comes into focus. It is a mistake to see the commands to go to the offending person as an attempt to receive an apology from the offending party. Rather, it is about reconciliation and the restoration of the person who sinned. You can choose to forgive the person without confronting them. The purpose of confrontation is to restore the individual in sin. It is for this reason that Jesus said, “If he hears you, you have gained your brother” (Matt. 18:15). The Apostle Paul stated, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness” (Gal. 6:1). Within the Church, we confront others as individuals in the effort to help our brothers and sisters in Christ grow in their faith. In our relationships with individuals who are not a part of the Body of Christ we turn the other cheek in an effort to show the love of Christ, and hopefully open doors for sharing the Gospel of Christ.