Am I Living in Sin or am I Married?

(By Pastor Mark Fontecchio)

Question: I am living with a member of the opposite sex. We have been involved, to some degree, physically. Does this mean before God that we are married?

Answer: No, you are not married in the eyes of God. This, however, does not mean that your actions are honoring the Lord.

To answer from the Scriptures why living together (or having involvement physically) does not mean that you’re married before God, we need to look no further than the Gospel of John. When Jesus traveled through Samaria He interacted with a woman at the well. He pointed her to eternal life in Him. But then what He said next often goes unnoticed, “Jesus said to her, ‘Go, call your husband, and come here’” (John 4:16). Her response was that she had no husband. To this point, Jesus responded, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly” (John 4:17-18). The implication inherent in this teaching is that this woman was both living with a man and involved physically with him. Yet, the Lord Jesus did not consider them to be married.

Your own question implies that your conscience is convicting you that your actions are not right before God. The Word of God is also clear on this issue, “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18). Your actions would fit into the biblical concept of immorality.

The union between a man and a woman in marriage (and physically) is intended for our benefit (Gen. 2:18). This is why Proverbs reminds us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). Marriage is also intended to be a beautiful picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church (Eph. 5:25-32). Unfortunately, mankind has perverted what God has given us. This is why Hebrews warns, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4).

There are only two possible reasons for your behavior. The first possibility is that you have never been reconciled to God and received the new life that He so freely offers. To learn more about the gift of eternal life, please visit this link. Only by trusting in Jesus as their Savior, can a person begin to live a life that honors God.

The other possibility is that as a believer in Christ you are living out of fellowship with God. The Bible describes those that are united to Christ by faith, but who are not living as God intended (living willfully according to the sin nature), as carnal (1 Cor. 3:1-4). The path to victory (and to honoring the Lord) is to confess your sins before God. The Bible assures us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Further, we can know with confidence that to walk in the Spirit means we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). We must choose each day to live in fellowship with God and in harmony with His Word. Thankfully, God has equipped us to do just this. He strengthens His believers to walk with Him.